Three Lessons From Ancient Greek Philosopher Aristotle on Friendship

Friendship is reciprocal and recognized. Credit: CC BY-NC-ND 2.0/ Flickr

Human beings person ever prized friendship. As the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote: “no 1 would take to unrecorded without friends,” adjacent if they could person each different bully things instead.

By Emily Katz

While astir emotion songs are inspired by the joys and heartaches of romanticist relationships, emotion betwixt friends tin beryllium conscionable arsenic aggravated and complicated. Many radical conflict to marque and support friendships, and a falling-out with a adjacent person tin beryllium arsenic achy arsenic a breakup with a partner.

Despite these imaginable pitfalls, quality beings person ever prized friendship. As the 4th period B.C.E. philosopher Aristotle wrote: “no 1 would take to unrecorded without friends,” adjacent if they could person each different bully things instead.

Aristotle is mostly known for his power connected science, authorities and aesthetics; helium is little good known for his penning connected friendship. I americium a student of ancient Greek philosophy, and erstwhile I screen this worldly with my undergraduates, they are astonished that an past Greek thinker sheds truthful overmuch airy connected their ain relationships. But possibly this should not beryllium surprising: determination person been quality friendships arsenic agelong arsenic determination person been quality beings.

Here, then, are 3 lessons astir relationship that Aristotle tin inactive thatch us.

1. Friendship is reciprocal and recognized

The archetypal acquisition comes from Aristotle’s explanation of friendship: reciprocal, recognized goodwill. In opposition to parenthood oregon siblinghood, relationship exists lone if it is acknowledged by some parties. It is not capable to privation idiosyncratic well; they person to privation you good successful return, and you indispensable some admit this communal goodwill. As Aristotle puts it: “To beryllium friends … [the parties] indispensable consciousness goodwill for each other, that is, privation each other’s good, and beryllium alert of each other’s goodwill.”

Aristotle illustrates this constituent with an aboriginal illustration of a parasocial narration – a one-sided benignant of narration successful which idiosyncratic develops affable feelings for, and adjacent feels that they know, a nationalist fig they person ne'er met. Aristotle offers this example: A instrumentality whitethorn privation an jock good and consciousness emotionally invested successful his success. But due to the fact that the jock does not reciprocate oregon admit this goodwill, they are not friends.

This is arsenic existent contiguous arsenic it was successful Aristotle’s time. Consider that you cannot adjacent beryllium Facebook friends with idiosyncratic unless they judge your person request. By contrast, you tin beryllium someone’s societal media follower without their acknowledgment.

Still, it is possibly much hard contiguous to separate friendships from parasocial relationships. When contented creators stock details astir their idiosyncratic lives, their followers whitethorn make a one-sided consciousness of intimacy. They cognize things astir the creator that, earlier the accomplishment of societal media, would person been known lone by a adjacent friend.

The creator whitethorn consciousness goodwill toward her followers, but that is not friendship. Goodwill is not genuinely reciprocal if 1 enactment feels it toward an idiosyncratic portion the different feels it toward a group. In this way, Aristotle’s explanation of friendship lends clarity to a uniquely modern situation.

2. Three kinds of friendship

Consider adjacent Aristotle’s favoritism betwixt 3 kinds of friendship: utility-based, pleasure-based and character-based friendships. Each arises from what is valued successful the friend: their usefulness, the pleasance of their institution oregon their bully character.

While character-based relationship is the highest form, you tin person lone a fewer specified intimate friends. It takes a agelong clip to get to cognize someone’s character, and you person to walk a batch of clip unneurotic to support specified a friendship. Since clip is simply a constricted resource, astir friendships volition beryllium based connected pleasance oregon utility.

Sometimes my students protestation that inferior relationships are not truly friendships. How tin 2 radical beryllium friends if they are utilizing 1 another? However, erstwhile some parties recognize their inferior relationship successful the aforesaid way, they are not exploiting but alternatively mutually benefiting 1 another. As Aristotle explains: “Differences betwixt friends astir often originate erstwhile the quality of their relationship is not what they deliberation it is.”

If your survey spouse believes you bent retired due to the fact that you bask her company, portion you really bent retired due to the fact that she is bully astatine explaining calculus, wounded feelings tin follow. But if you some recognize that you are hanging retired truthful that you whitethorn amended your calculus people and she her penning grade, you tin make communal goodwill and respect for each other’s strengths.

Indeed, the constricted quality of a inferior relationship tin beryllium conscionable what makes it beneficial. Consider a modern signifier of inferior friendship: the adjacent enactment group. Since you tin person lone a tiny fig of character-based friends, galore radical dealing with trauma oregon struggling with chronic unwellness bash not person adjacent friends moving done these experiences.

Support radical members are uniquely positioned to assistance 1 another, adjacent if they person precise antithetic idiosyncratic values and beliefs. These differences whitethorn mean that the friendships ne'er go character-based; yet the radical members whitethorn consciousness heavy goodwill toward 1 another.

In short, Aristotle’s 2nd acquisition is that determination is simply a spot for each benignant of relationship and that a relationship works erstwhile determination is simply a shared knowing of its basis.

3. Friendship is similar fitness

Finally, Aristotle has thing invaluable to accidental astir what makes friendships last. He claims that a friendship, similar fitness, is simply a authorities oregon disposition that indispensable beryllium maintained by activity: As fittingness is maintained by regular exercise, truthful relationship is maintained by doing things together. What happens, then, erstwhile you and your person cannot prosecute successful relationship activities? Aristotle writes:

“Friends who are … parted are not actively friendly, yet person the disposition to beryllium so. For separation does not destruct relationship absolutely, though it prevents its progressive exercise. If nevertheless the lack beryllium prolonged, it seems to origin the affable feeling itself to beryllium forgotten.”

Contemporary probe backs this up: The authorities of relationship tin persist adjacent without relationship activities, but if this goes connected agelong enough, the relationship volition fade. It mightiness look that Aristotle’s constituent has go little relevant, arsenic connection technologies – from postal work to FaceTime – person made it imaginable to support friendships crossed large distances.

But portion carnal separation nary longer spells the extremity of a friendship, Aristotle’s acquisition remains true. Research shows that, contempt having entree to connection technologies, radical who decreased their relationship activities during the archetypal twelvemonth of the COVID-19 pandemic experienced a corresponding alteration successful the prime of their friendships.

Today, arsenic successful past Athens, friendships person to beryllium maintained by engaging successful relationship activities.

Aristotle could not person imagined today’s connection technologies, the advent of online enactment groups oregon the kinds of parasocial relationships made imaginable by societal media. Yet for each the ways successful which the satellite has changed, Aristotle’s penning connected relationship continues to resonate.

Emily Katz is an Associate Professor of Ancient Greek Philosophy, Michigan State University.

The nonfiction was published successful The Conversation and is republished nether a Creative Commons license.